Everyone tells us that we need to forgive those who have wronged us. We ask "why?" We have bitterness, pride, and a suitcase of other feelings we carry every day. Maybe it is time to unpack this suitcase. At least, inspect the contents and see if there are things you can do without.

We are not obligated to forgive! God Has given us free will, free choice, and His knowledge from His word. It is this knowledge that we have to draw from. Here are but two of the many scriptures that can help:

• Psalm 130:3-5 - If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
• Col. 3:12-14 - Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Forgiveness is a choice

Yes, Forgiveness is a choice. Many wives have proclaimed, "Well, I have to forgive him. After all, I'm a Christian and that's what Christian's do." Or the family is broken up because of some sort of addicted behavior by a family member. The addict wants forgiveness Yet the family proclaims "Its always what She/He wants!" What about what we want?"

What is the truth about forgiveness? We know that God forgives freely. Yet, we are not God. We are God's people. We do have a close likeness to God. Remember we have been made in His image. Being like someone does not make it any easier to do what they do.  I find it very difficult to forgive at times. We say that there are just some things that are just not forgivable! My intellectual mind tells me that is a false statement.  In light of the many times I have been forgiven, and the personal witness I have seen of people forgiving the most horrible of crimes, I know that forgiveness is possible in every situation. There is something within us that is able to forgive each other.  But being able does not in it self  bring about forgiveness. There is something with in us that holds tight to our "right" not to  forgive. 

Face it, we are human. I'm not saying that for an excuse. I am saying that so we can truthfully understand how to deal with ourselves.  Basically we are very selfish people not wanting to be hurt by anything. We want to have control over our own feelings and situations. We hold back our forgiveness because we can. It is just another way we control the situation. 

Forgivness Is A Gift to Myself! Right?

We have a new mantra in both American Christianity and in American secularism: forgiveness. And we believe that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

Forgiveness is the latest tool for believers and nonbelievers alike to overcome a painful past and difficult relationships and people, to achieve personal peace, happiness and success.

Be wary of those claiming this. Forgiveness is not really a gift to yourself. Yes, when you apply Biblical principles and a heart for God, you will be released form pain and bitterness. But this is God's gift to you for allowing Him to work in your life and free you from the trappings of unforgiveness and the past.

We release another person's debts for their sake and for Christ's sake. Forgiveness enables us to care about the good of the other rather than just ourselves. This is the gospel: loving our neighbors and our enemies. Yes, the forgiver often heals through forgiveness as well, but as a consequence of "loving their neighbor." It is my belief that only through God the ultimate forgiver will you be able to find this peace. Anything else is just a conterfeit that uses your will to overcome painful experiences and bitterness. From my experiences it only covers it up, and does not take it away.

There are personal rewards in forgiveness

The benefit of forgiveness extends far beyond simply the one being forgiven. There is a release from the anger and bitterness that can cripple the spirit of the one offering it. But you must acknowledge the pain, specifically address each wound, and then choose to forgive the offense's against you. Forgiveness never minimizes the wounds. But as you release yourself from bondage to fear and anger through forgiveness you will gain a new compassion for the person who has hurt you. You will truly identify with Jesus, who bore in his body the shame of all our sins.

So, be patient with yourself in reaching this point in your healing journey. Don't rush to forgive before your heart has had time to begin healing. The decision to forgive is a BIG one, and you shouldn't enter into it lightly. When your heart is healing and you are feeling God leading you toward a time of forgiveness, it is important to receive good counsel. Talk with your trusted caregivers and get constructive, biblical feedback as to how you will offer your forgiveness.

One other note about forgiveness: it is an on-going process. There are watershed moments of forgiveness when you forgive the "big stuff," but there will be even more moments of choosing to forgive daily trespasses. Wounds come in all shapes and sizes, and each one needs the healing touch of God. And each one also requires a choice of whether or not you will forgive. Your memories of the pain your husband's addiction has caused will try to haunt you even after forgiving him. Be prepared to fight those thoughts with truth and remind yourself that, in the same way Christ has forgiven your sins permanently, you have chosen to forgive sins of another in the same manner.

Thought For The Day:

I choose to move toward forgiveness. I do this not merely for the sake of the one I am forgiving, but for my own emotional and spiritual well being.

I will wait until I am emotionally and spiritually prepared to forgive. I will not use this as an excuse to withhold forgiveness, but I will be patient to wait for the Lord's timing and direction.

How do you forgive when bitterness won't go away? There are no easy answers, but these suggestions might help:

Ron Bender

You might say "Ron this verse (Matthew 10:14) talks mostly about preaching the gospel, not forgiveness." Exactly! Forgiveness is the Gospel message. Think about that for a minute.