Bender Bylines:   By  Ron  Bender,  President /CEO.  Bender Consulting   "The Truth"

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Searching For The Truth


Is it true, that we can't handle the truth?

Doesn't the truth cut both ways? Isn't the truth used as a deception to be used and abused? Is the truth the hardest thing to handle? You may think that these questions are petty, yet, we keep saying "tell me the truth" than we hold our hands over our ears and shout at the top of our voice because we don't want to hear the truth. Maybe not literally but we certainly still deal with the truth like a seven year old. 

On one hand the truth can make a person feel good, safe, and complete. On the other hand, it pains another causing shame, guilt, and emptiness. Why is there so much riding on the truth? Why does the truth always have to be told? Why do we keep skirting around the truth?  

Communication is the vehicle by which we create and maintain all of our human relationships. If we "speak the truth" when we talk or write to others, then these relationships can be deep and honest. But there are many reasons why we may not always chose to tell the truth in a given situation. Let's take a look at these reasons and why we fear the truth.

Reasons Why You Might Not Tell the Truth:

1. You don't know the truth:

That's simple! You can't tell what you don't know yourself.  Many times we don't know the truth of a situation simply because we have not asked ourselves, or examined, what we believe. And sometimes we don't access our own truth because we would rather not know the answer!

Telling the truth requires awareness. Awareness of our lack of knowledge of our limited resources of knowing everything as we like to think we do.  One method (suggested by Thomas Leonard) for becoming more aware of your own truth is to "Reduce or eliminate anything that clouds or numbs your ability to recognize truth as it emerges" (e.g., adrenaline, stress, excessive busyness, mind-altering drugs or alcohol, addictions, etc.). Another way is to consciously ask yourself what you believe to be true in each situation, and be willing to challenge yourself and your beliefs.

2. You fear the consequences

Sometimes when you tell the truth there are potentially significant consequences either for yourself or others. You may find it easier to tell the truth only when it is non-threatening. But what is the hidden cost? When avoidance of consequences becomes paramount we end up only telling the truth when it is "convenient" and carry around with us an uncomfortable inventory of past censorships and un-communicated thoughts and feelings.

3. You think the other person will not hear, or be able to handle, the truth

You can control how you speak your truth, but you cannot control how someone else hears, interprets, or reacts to it. In trying to protect or shield another from the truth you are in effect diminishing them - restricting their access to important information and downplaying their potential for resiliency. If you speak the truth with compassion and let the other person know you are coming from a place of wanting only the best for them, chances are they will be able to take what you are saying in a positive way and draw upon their own internal resources to react appropriately. Don't underestimate them. Show your belief in their ability to handle it. Offer them the gift of your truth and give them the opportunity to surprise and delight you with their response.

4. You don't want the other person to tell you their truth

Sometimes you just don't want to ruin a perfectly good, but superficial, relationship by starting to tell the truth. After all, if you tell your truth, it is only equitable that you allow the other person to tell theirs. And what are the risks to that? The other person might say something which conflicts with your view of the world. The other person might criticize you or what you do. You risk deepening the relationship by telling the truth.

 Lies, Lies, Lies

We all have been lied to. Are we protecting each other from the lie or from the consequence? If the lie isn't as important as the consequence; wouldn't the truth be a non-cohesive issue? I am true to believe that lies are meant to mask our fears. Lies are cover-ups to inhibit tests among people and their strengths.

Lies generate communication. Communication keeps those lies thriving. The truth has to come out eventually. As we move along in our day to day, we often don't know why we lied to begin with. We often don't know why the truth just sounds so unflattering. If lies are careless, and truths are forced; do you compete the lie or the truth before you speak? Think about why we second guess the truth, and why we second guess the lie. I wanted to add a second point to this stream of consciousness; have you been the one telling the lies? Are the lies easier than the truth?

Truth be told, the nature of the beast is in all of us. The nature of the beast is what makes many things irresistible. When we invoke pride in oneself, we invoke trust in another. As a man, we deem the truth to be our best lie. As a society, we surround ourselves in a sea of lies, yet, only the most obvious and controversial make the front page. If politics, government, law, and justice were about the truth, we must ensure we can handle the truth. If not, we must challenge the obvious.

John "Birdman" Bryant.( )

"As I have said on many occasions, there is no such thing as truth, but only various opinions. In saying this, however, I do not mean to say that truth does not exist, but only that we cannot know that it exists. What we can know -- or at least what we can have a strong opinion about -- is that men's opinions often converge, and that such convergence makes it convenient to say that we have "discovered some truth" at the point of convergence; and it was precisely this which I meant when I once stated that "Truth is the asymptote of opinion". I hasten to point out, however, that the fact that men's opinions often converge is not sufficient to prove the existence of truth, or even a truth, for men's opinions once converged in agreeing to the truth of the proposition that the world is flat, and yet most men would not now say that such a proposition is (or was ever) true."

I was reading this on the internet when I realized this is the very reason we lie. If we truly do not think that truth exist only opinions, than we are truly lost. We say we need "True North" when we want to be sure we are going in the right direction. If we do not think that there is truth than we will stay lost in our journey through life.

One Truth

There is only one truth. ,

So much has been written on every subject known to man. Truth and lies are told every day about how man was created, how the world began, who God is, or what addiction is. Some people say one thing and others say something else. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there is only one truth! Some will try to outright fool you for their own agenda. Some say that it is an opinion or a belief. This is misleading because there is only one real truth. There is only one true historical account how man came to walk the earth. For centuries sailors were warned not to go far from shore because the world was flat and a ship could sail right off the edge. We know the truth now and ships sail around the globe.


Think how people lived while under the guise of a flat earth. Think of the fear that sailors would have while believing this "untruth" or opinion.  Many lived their whole life believing a lie. It effected how they lived their lives, how they perceived their  surroundings, and effected the choices they made


Take addiction for example: some say it is a disease while others say it is a moral choice. Understanding  the truth will help many who confront this issue in their lives. Is it a disease? Like cancer or other diseases or is it a choice we make again and again.  You can not call it a disease from symptoms alone. This would  not be a scientific conclusion. A disease can be detected in the blood, and in the body, addiction can not be detected this way.  We should be able to find its origin in the body, Sorry, no can do. Doctors and scientist will both concede that there is a problem and the symptoms are like a disease but to this date there is no evidence that links addiction to a physical element in the body. Someone who is an alcoholic may have a liver disease from alcohol which destroys the liver but drinking to excess is not a disease. 


If you know the truth than you can face it head on just like the sailor who first crossed the ocean. I imagine that he was looking around wondering if he was going to fall off the earth. Some things we believe will have lasting effects on us.  It is important then to know the truth! The problem is can we handle the truth? Do we really want to know the truth? I don't know about you but I really do not want to live a lie. What do we believe? How do we live?

Honest education is a good way to find the truth. Examining the evidence is a way juries decide what the truth is. Lets stop believing the latest trend or or what feels good. Lets become scholars of the truth. As for me....well I don't want to come across conceded or opinionated but than I can afford to be because I'm Right!

Join me as we discover the truth about many issues. Follow along as we study the facts, find the fiction, and separate the truth from the lies. First question we will look into will be the most important question to consider. After all finding out the answer to this question will change your whole perspective on life.  


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Our mind can be like a thick piece of steel. Let the fire of God's word help you bend it towards Him, Bend it around Him.

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Revised: February 20, 2013