According to some studies regarding victims of domestic violence,
almost ninety percent of them experienced verbal abuse prior to the
commitment of more serious physical violence. Usually, verbal abuse is
being neglected because there is no proof of it and it is not as visible
as physical aggression. Verbal abuse is not yet classified as domestic
violence because psychologists would say that it is just an activity
prior to committing the act of physical aggression. But I beg to
disagree because it has been known that those who are victims of verbal
abuse are battered emotionally and it takes more time to heal than just
being assaulted physically.
Consequences of verbal abuse
All your self worth are taken away from you and worst thing is that
the victim usually justify the action of the perpetrator because they
think that what the other partner is doing to them is a sign of love,
just like what the perpetrator would do to make the victim believe in
him. "I did that because I love you and I want you to improve on
your behavior", is a classic dialogue of a pepetrator to the
victim. Yes, but what kind of love is that?
Verbal abuse is a kind of violence that creates a deep emotional pain
and mental anguish.
Prolonged exposure to verbal abuse crushed every inch of self
confidence a person has.
So what constitutes verbal abuse? What are some common signs
of verbal abuse?
The perpetrators of this kind of abuse usually called their partner
by names. It is you who can acknowledge that it is wrong for example to
call you some words which is not due to you. Sometimes a spouse may even
embarrass you in front of other people, in front of your relative,
friends that matters to you. At other times, the perpetrator use sarcasm
and mocking words too. Screaming, yelling and raising the voice towards
another is another form.
A case of verbal abuse
I have a friend before who donít want to talk to me anymore and after
one month of being silence, I have learnt that the reason she doesnít
want to talk to me is that she feels ashamed when her husband call her
names in front of me. The man is a controlling man and want to impose
himself on my friend. The man is obviously humiliating my friend in
front of me, screaming or yelling at her at times. And all I could do
was to go home. Finally, I decided to take a step and talked to my
friend in an honest to goodness way. I told her that it is not her fault
and theres nothing to be ashamed of. I told her to go and talk to a
counselor because she has low self confidence and is always scared of
what the husband might do to her if she cant accomplish her task. She
always wanted to please the husband. It even came to a point where she
trembles when her husband calls her. She doesnít have a job and is
totally dependent on her husband for money. He even tells her to shape
up or else she will divorce her and get their son together and that no
man will want her anyway because she is no good.The man is clearly using
intimidation and coercion. These are obvious tactics of the man in
order for the woman to stay put, and usually these types of man are
insecure and they need to dominate so that they can prove to themselves
that they are still the one in control.
The perpetrators of the abuse
Men are not the only one who is verbally abusive to their partner,
women also do the same things to men as well. These kind of domination
through verbal abuse is also dependent on every other culture. Dominance
and hierarchy and economic advantage plays an important role in this
kind of abuse.
When to take action
At the very start that you noticed that your partner is doing this to
you, try to tell them that you are hurt of what they are doing and you
are not going to tolerate it. They get away with it because sometimes,
it has been going on for long and usually the victims are not doing
anything to correct it. The best thing to do is to talk to them and tell
them that you are not going to tolerate it and once you made it clear,
be prepared to mean what you say. Talk to a friend or nearest relative
about it and express yourself.
What to do if you know somebody who are victims
It is very difficult at times also to meddle with affairs like this
because sometimes women feels that they are lacking in some areas that
is why their husband is justified in abusing them or the other way
around. And sometimes we ask ourselves, when do we draw the line when it
is your friend or close relative who is affected already. My advice is
that we should always do the right thing, to report any form of domestic
violence to the police and to stand as witness. Yes, it takes a lot of
courage but then, if nobody will do it, who else is there to do it. The
consequences are too harsh to ignore.
So if you are a victim of verbal abuse, be sure to act on it
immediately specially if you have children because they are the first
one to be affected and the manifestations and consequences have long
term effect to them and to you as well. Nobody deserves to be treated
like trash and everybody deserves respect. Men and woman should have
equal footing in a relationship.
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