We Need To Bend To God

Premarital Sex

Is premarital sex wrong?
Should we live boring lives of abstinence?

Q: "Is premarital sex wrong? Why are all the things that are fun and exciting wrong according to you christians? Why would a God who loved say that you can not do things that are fun?"

our A: Most people today determine their sexual involvement based on personal standards of moral values. Of course this is fair, because on one hand, sex is a personal responsibility and must be determined personally. On the other hand, sex usually involves two people, so it's not just a matter of personal standards, is it?

our A: Consider this, is driving a car wrong? No. Is driving a car for an 13-year-old wrong? Yes. It's fun and exciting for the 13-year-old, but it puts his life and other lives in jeopardy.

Is sex, which is fun, between a husband and wife wrong? No. Is sex wrong if it's with someone else's spouse? Yes. It may be fun and exciting, but it often brings tremendous heartache to that person's spouse and the children involved.

We like to determine what is right and wrong, according to what we want. That's human nature. If we want to have sex with someone, we want to set our own standards. Often our standards are, if they're not married, then ok. But what if the other person is put at risk for a sexually transmitted disease? Now it gets fuzzy. What if the person is put at risk for pregnancy and faces the difficult decision of abortion? Fuzzy also. What if the person is a relative? What if the person is the same sex? What if it's sex for payment? What if it's sex for pornography? What if it involves children?

What's fun and exciting to one person may be viewed as very wrong by someone else. Is it? Where does a person determine what is right and wrong?

A loving God has made his wisdom on life known to us. He says that sin is pleasurable for the moment. There probably isn't any sin which is not at the moment pleasurable. But pleasure can't be our only standard for making decisions. Think how fun it would have been to really severely smack a younger brother or sister at times. Pleasurable for the moment, but fortunately we hold back because pleasure isn't our only guide.

God wants to keep us from horrendous problems which we can bring on ourselves by the stupid decisions we make. He genuinely loves us and wants to protect us from decisions and behavior that will ruin our lives or someone else's life.

Why does God (who created sex) restrict sex to marriage? Is it to spoil people's fun or to insure that a couple enjoys the deepest level of intimacy possible, reserved for only each other? When God gives us guidance his motives are pure and prompted by his love for us.

People get used sexually for momentary fun and excitement, but what if there is something more valuable than momentary pleasure? Like dignity, self-esteem, knowing that you're also treating that other person with greater value? Perhaps God thinks relationships can be more intimate, secure and stronger if they are built on something more substantial than sexual involvement. Whatever God's reasons, his wisdom surpasses ours and he can be trusted. And quite often we later see the value of following him.

See also Searching For Intimacy

For info on having a relationship with God, see Knowing God Personally.

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